Tuesday, December 29, 2009

2009: The Year in Review (Day 5 of 5)

*H*A*P*P*Y* *N*E*W* *Y*E*A*R*!!!!!


2009: The Year in Review (Day 4 of 5)

in Case of an Emergency)

For 2010, I resolve to let my hair down & let my mind & body be free!

As we go about making resolutions about what we will and will not do, let us remember to cherish and cultivate the things that we have and don't want to lose.

How will YOU resolve to do this?

  • Know yourself and the heights that you can reach
  • Remove the nay sayers!!! (You can do bad all by yourself)
  • Set goals and never lose sight of them
  • Take care of YOU first
  • Grow, learn, challenge yourself
  • Believe in YOU. Believe in YOUR FUTURE
  • LOVE YOU... it's the best love EVER!
I know that 2010 is going to be the best year yet.

Let's make it happen!

PS...Always remember, "
Don't Blame it on the SUNSHINE...Blame it on the Boogie!"

2009: The Year in Review (Day 3 of 5)

Dating in 2009...
What a Dramedy!

Who ever thought that being intelligent, witty, attractive, African-American, and single would be so HARD in the MIA? What an experience...

Let's see what characters I've met in the past year...:

  • THE OLD MEN- Lawd, please save us Tenderonies from the gigolos who shake and shimmy to the disco beat of Lou Rawls and James Brown.
  • THE "WHATYOUSAYS": Living in THE ULTIMATE melting pot for every culture you can imagine exposes Tenderonies to cross-macking techniques from Hell! Sometimes it's so unintelligible that you can only respond by asking, "What you say?"
  • THE EDUMACATED PHILOSOPHERS- Oh boy, these fellas WEAR YO AZZ OUT!!! I always keep the migraine medicine close at hand to survive the "movement". It makes me totally dizzy EVERY time!
  • THE METROSEXUALS- smh... too much competition.
  • THE WHAT-UPS- B-boys, gotta love 'em, as long as you don't have to talk to 'em. *high-five*
  • THE POWER HOUSES- Fascinating, polished, intelligent, leaders, PLAYERS, and elusive. They know the game and how to play it very well. Few and far in between...
I've talked to many of my single, and married, girlfriends and the question is always the same...WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD BLACK MEN? I know my brothers are TIRED of hearing this but, damnit, inquiring Divalicious minds want to know!

As I venture into 2010, I am prepared to hold fast and steady, keep hope alive and to NEVER GIVE UP ON A GOOD THING!

PS...Always remember, "Don't Blame it on the SUNSHINE...Blame it on the Boogie!"

2009: The Year in Review (Day 2 of 5)

OMG, the ecstasy of cinematic thrills, joys, and sorrows enthrall me each and every time the lights dim, the crowd shushes, and the camera rolls! I love being able to be taken away for brief moments in time to escape, live, enjoy, fear, embrace, wonder, and…DREAM.

If you’ve followed me on Facebook, you know that this has been a very busy year for me in the theaters. I have been fortunate to catch some really good adventures, horrors, and dramas.

***Please enjoy MY TOP 20 for 2009!

20. Not Easily Broken

19. Fourth Kind

18. Drag Me to Hell

17. He’s Just Not that Into You

16. My Sister’s Keeper

15. Whip It

14. Bright Star

13. Coco Before Chanel

12. Paranormal Activity

11. Michael Jackson’s This Is It

10. An Education

9. The Time Traveler’s Wife

8. Twilight Saga: New Moon

7. Law Abiding Citizen

6. Orphan

5. Blind Side

4. Inglorious Basterds

3. The Hangover

2. Star Trek

and my #1 movie pick for 2009 is…………………

1. Avatar

Wowza!!! It was a little tricky there for a bit. My top 5 really took me through some intense decision-making exercises. If you have Netflix/Blockbuster, make sure that everyone of these movies make it into your queue. They are each special in their own right and offer you just what you need to shake off the monotony, craziness, intensity of your day/night.

Let me know what you think! I would love to hear your feedback & know if I might have missed something. I’m not perfect, just almost! LOL!

***IMPORTANT NOTE: I did not view Up in the Air, Adventureland, I Love You, Man, District 9, The Hurt Locker, & Up.

PS...Always remember, "Don't Blame it on the SUNSHINE...Blame it on the Boogie!"

Monday, December 28, 2009

2009: The Year in Review (Day 1 of 5)


Everyone can remember at least one life-changing moment/event in their lives when time stood still. Well, my moment happened to be on June 25, 2009... the day Michael Joseph Jackson was pronounced DEAD.

A girl's first love is one she never forgets.

I can remember the many days of staring up at the ceiling in my room listening to MJ croon and my planning the many different ways I was going to get to him. From learning every note in every song he manufactured to jammin' to the beats, gyrating & worming all over the place, I was a goner. Gosh, I LOVED that man!!!

We have lost many greats this year. It's been tough all around.

  • Ted Kennedy- 77
  • Farrah Fawcett- 62
  • Walter Cronkite- 92
  • Patrick Swayze- 57
  • Bea Arthur- 86
  • Ricardo Montalban- 88
  • David Carradine- 72
  • Natasha Richardson- 45
  • and a host of others...........ageless
As I pay tribute to those that have "moved on down the road", I would like to give special THANKS for all that they have shared with us to make us laugh, cry, think, love, and REMEMBER...

Michael, although you were Gone To Soon, you will FOREVER live in my
. May you finally rest in peace...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Bollywood Chronicles...Christmas Annoyed!

This is where it begins...

I toiled w/the idea of whether I should or shouldn't chronicle the irritating personality which exists in my life and decided, it is a part of my life, so why not. Why should Bollywood escape the truths which exist between me and the Universe?

Tonight, I will begin the Bollywood Chronicles...

ALL DAY LONG I had to listen to "Jingle Be
ll Bracelet"... ring-a-ringy, ching-a-chingy, twink-a-twinky...ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What happened to office etiquette and a respect for personal soundlessness?

I politely remarked that that was "some kind of bracelet" that she was wearing and she just looked at me and proceeded to
ring on for the rest of day.

Yall, I know it Tis the Season & all that other crap, but must I listen to that EAR TRASH
ALL DAY LONG??? There should be a rule which states that if you wear EAR TRASH, you should be isolated to a sound-proof cubicle. Is that too much to ask, or am I being overly sensitive because I have absolutely 0(ZERO) tolerance for Bolly?

I'm just saying...

PS...Always remember, "Don't Blame it on the SUNSHINE...Blame it on the Boogie!"

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

What Would YOU Do?

Once again, I must say that I am a magnet for "situational drama".

Today me & my girls that lunch went to one of our favorite markets. It's where the people know our names (well, not really but I liked the way that sounded).

So here's my question:

What would you do if you witnessed the preparer of your meal scratching his elbow w/his GLOVED fixing-the-meat hand?

Yep, saw it, was open-mouthed about it, and it almost broke my heart...

Although the food that was being prepared was about to be put on the grill under high heat, I just couldn't shake the visual of THE SCRATCHER going to town like the street dog w/fleas or a meth head in the middle of an episode.

When you witness unsanitary acts at a favorite spot, do you turn a blind eye? Cancel your order? Share a few words on proper cleanliness? Or just never return?

Every friend that I know who has worked in a restaurant says that you wouldn't believe what goes on in the kitchen. Well, I don't want to know. I don't want to see. I just want to blissfully enjoy the ambiance of a good restaurant, w/good food, w/good company. Is that asking too much?


Monday, December 21, 2009

"Cat Eyes"

Sometimes I feel like I'm a magnet for drawing the SALESPEOPLE from HELL...

It happened a couple of weeks ago, a friend & I went into "Shefora" for a makeup consult. I have been jonesing to learn how to apply cat eyes every since I saw Beyonce & a few other divettes sporting some really wicked, sexy looks. Hey, I'm thinking, "I can pull that off too!"

HA!!! "Shefora" had other ideas...HERE WE GO...

We walk into a near-empty store & I ask if someone can help me in learning how to apply cat eyes. SalesDoof #1 says they can't because there aren't enough salespeople on the floor. Well, I'm looking around at the Black coats floating and doing nothing and think..."You can't be serious?". Yep, SalesDoof #1 was...serious.

I asked to see a manager because I go one place REAL QUICK (RACISM) when I know someone is playing me STUPID!!! ManagerDoof arrives and proceeds to explain to me that on weekends, "Shefora" does not perform makeup demos because too many people may want the service and they didn't have the staff to accommodate the request. REMEMBER, THE STORE IS EMPTY. Immediately, I cut all conversation & leave the store vowing to never, ever return (even though I really want those cat eyes!)! I'm coming my MAC-gaylicious-guy-pals!!!

Well, my friend who accompanied me to "Shefora" is a "Shefora" junkie. Two weeks later, I find myself at the same chain, different location, on a Sunday (WEEKEND). I must say, the experience was totally different! I actually purchased something, got my demo, & walked out w/sparklies everywhere!!! Loved it!!!

Last night, I was at home playing on my laptop & got to thinking how different my experiences were and just couldn't shake my YUKperience at the first store. I started doing research on how I could let "Shefora" know what's going on at one of their stores. I lucked up on a "contact us" spot on their website & emailed my experienceS.

Today, I got a great email saying they valued my feedback and was following up w/the YUKstore and would be in touch soon with the outcome.

Now, the point of my story is although I still can't apply my eyeliner properly (yes, I look like Zorro the Raccoon after application), my experience to getting to end result was supposed to be as much fun as the wicked, sexy image I was going to capture.
.. DON'T LET THE LEMONS RUIN YOUR LEMONADE...add as much sugar as necessary and never lose the PUNCH!

PS...Always remember, "Don't Blame it on the SUNSHINE...Blame it on the Boogie!"

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Top 10 Ways to Get Rid of a Crackhead...

Living in a major city has its advantages and disadvantages... Well, just the other day, I was approached by a Crackhead in Walgreens & was very politely asked if I was Miss Universe...DISADVANTAGE!

Needless to say, I was horrified, repulsed & strangely fascinated all at the same time. First, I calmly looked around to see if I may be in the process of being PUNKED by locals and then I tightened up & got ready for a rough exchange...

I looked into his shriveled, cranberry eyes & got to work:


10. Sir, "Como se llama"?
-When I have no where to go, I always revert back to my self-made bilingualism. I speak 4 Fake/real languages (Spanish , of course, Italian, French, & Ebonics- my favorite!)

9. Yell..."SECURITY"...& wait for the fallout...
-It's nothing like witnessing the "Crackhead Shuffle"....

8. Beat the Crackhead to the punch..."Sir, I'm hungry...can you spare $10?"
- you gotta ask for a lot more than they would, then they can relate to HARD TIMES...although, this may get you cussed. Use this one at your own risk!

7. Ask to borrow a personal item, i.e., cell phone, car, skateboard, iPod, etc...
-Being that he/she is a Crackhead, he/she should have sold all personal belongings & the sheer confusion of having the audacity to ask to borrow the personal item SHOULD cause the "Crackhead Shuffle"....OR another cussing...

6. Ask the Crackhead if he has the money that he owes you...
-"Crackhead Shuffle"

5. Ask to see his license and start asking "PoPo-like" questions.
-If you have a work ID, this is helpful. Flashing it quick will not allow his shriveled, cranberry eyes to be able to focus fast enough to realize that it's as phony as the "PoPo-like" questions.

4. Tell him that we've been instructed to evacuate the city immediately because Hurricane Hennessy-Ray is on its way. AND THEN RUN.


2. Ask the Crackhead if he knows Jesus... then break into Mahalia Jackson's version of AMAZING GRACE while trying to distribute the handouts from the Jehovah Witness' that woke you up that morning & you had to put a cussing on.
- Being that not too many people can pull this off, it should really scare the shit out of the Crackhead, hence..."Crackhead Shuffle"

...and the #1 Way to Get Rid of a Crackhead...

- "Crackhead Shuffle"...Fade...cut...SCENE!

Now, I'm not guaranteeing any of these Crackhead-deflectors but they are POWERFUL & you are using them at YOUR OWN RISK!!!

I hope you find one that is suitable for your situation &/or encounter. They may also be used to deflect LOSERS & TRIBAL MEN...

PS...Always remember, "Don't Blame it on the SUNSHINE...Blame it on the Boogie!"

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Sun is Shining!


This is an adventurous task that I am undertaking. Always wanted to write a little something about this and a little something about THAT!

I'm sure that I will offend, amuse, shock, amaze, horrify, shun, alienate, welcome & embrace you all at some point during this journey. All that I ask is that you open your minds, listen to what I have to say & just consider it all ENTERTAINMENT!

Haven't figured it all out yet but I hope that you'll enjoy the experience as much as I will enjoy inviting you into my "SPACE".

Again, WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME!!! I suggest you buckle up, because just like my driving, it's going to be one helluva ride! :-)

PS...Always remember, "Don't Blame it on the SUNSHINE...Blame it on the Boogie!"